Speak like a Superstar

SPEAK LIKE A SUPERSTAR

 

The words you use determine the way you feel. The language you choose shapes the way you perceive reality. Your vocabulary drives meaning in your life. Please think about this idea. I believe it’s a big one.

 

The superstar business people who I’ve coached are among the most high-spirited people I’ve ever met. And the way they talk reflects that devotion to being an up-lifter and elevator of human beings. They wouldn’t dream of calling a setback a “problem” – they’d call it an “opportunity to create something even greater”. And then, as if by magic, their positive language provokes a set of positive sensations within them that supports them in being player versus victim in seemingly difficult situations. The great ones among us would never express information about an upset customer as “bad news” but instead would label it “a challenge that will help us grow”. Rather than using negative words, they prefer winning words that inspire those around them to dwell in possibility and keep their heads focused on the dream. The words you use influence the life you live. Select them wisely.

 

I have a little exercise to offer you. Pull out your journal or clean white sheet of paper and record an inventory of the words you most frequently speak. The more aware you can become of the quality of your language, the more choice you will give yourself. And writing things down dramatically raises your self-awareness. Then, once you have identified your most commonly used words, do another list. Articulate a series of spectacularly positive words that will serve you – words that you imaging a superstar in your field using. Bring them into your daily vocabulary. You will discover that speaking these words make you feel better. More powerful. More passionate. And when you feel great feelings, guess what? You’ll do great things.

 

“The words you use influence the life you live. Select them wisely”

 

(these are not my thoughts J and are copied from Robin’s book)

 

Get some skin in the game

GET SOME SKIN IN THE GAME

 

I fail more than most people. I fail all the time. I’ve had failures in business. I’ve had failures in relationships. I’ve had failures in life. I used to wonder why this happened. I used to play Poor Me and suffer from the dreaded disease of victimitis infinitus. But I now I get it. I’ve been stumbling toward my best life. Failure is the price of greatness. Failure is an essential ingredient for a high achievement. As innovation guru David Kelley wrote: “Fail faster. Succeed sooner”. You can’t win without leaving your safety zone and taking some calculated risks. No risk, no reward. And the more risks you take in the pursuit of your dreams, the more you are going to fail.

 

Too many among us live in what I call the safe harbor of known. Same breakfast for 20 years. Same drive to work for 20 years. Same conversations for 20 years. Same thinking for 20 years. I have no judgment on that kind of a life. If it makes you happy, well, that’s great. But I don’t know of anyone who is happy living like that. If you keep doing what you’ve have been doing, you’ keep getting what you’ve been getting. Einstein defined insanity as doing the same things but expecting different results. Yet most people rule their lives that way. True joy comes when you put some skin in the game and take some chances. Yes, you will start to experience more failure. But guess what? Success also starts to pay more visits.

 

Failure is just part of the process of getting to world class. “Screw-ups are the mark of excellence” said management consultant Tom Peters. The best companies on the planet have failed more than the average ones. The most successful people on the planet have failed more than ordinary ones. To me, the only failure is the failure to try and dream and dare. The real risk lies in riskless living. Mark Twain made the point perfectly when he observed: “ Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did”.

 

So go ahead, stretch today. Ask for the best table in your favorite restaurant. Ask for an upgrade to first class on your next flight (good luck). Ask your team mate at work for more understanding. Ask your sweatheart at home for more love. Do it. I dare you. And remember, you can’t win a game that you don’t even play

 

“The real risk lies in riskless living”

 

Nothing Fails Like Success

Richard Carrion, the CEO of Puerto Rico’s top bank, once shared a line with me that I’ll never forget: “Robin, nothing fails like success”. Powerful thought. You, as well as your organization, are most vulnerable when you are most successful. Success actually breeds complacency, inefficiency and – worst of all – arrogance. When people and businesses get really successful, they often fall in love with themselves. They stop innovating, working hard, taking risks and begin to rest on their laurels. They go on the defensive, spending their energy protecting their success rather staying true to the very things that got them to the top. Whenever I share this point with a roomful of CEOs, every single one of them nods in agreement. Please let me give you a real-world example from my own life.

 

This past weekend, I took my kids to our favorite Italian restaurant. The food is incredible there. The best bresaola out side of Italy. Heavenly pasta. Super foamy latte that make me want to give up my job and become a barista. But the service at this place is bad. Bad, bad, bad (like it is at most places). Why? Because the place is always full. And because they are doing so well, they’ve taken the lines out front for granted. And guess what? It’s the beginning of their end.

 

I love taking pictures. My dad taught me to record the journey of my life with photos. So I generally carry a little camera around with me. I asked our server if she would snap a picture of my children and me as we dug into our spaghetti. “I don’t have time” was the curt reply. Unbelievable. Too busy to take five seconds to keep a customer happy. Too busy to help out a little. Too busy to show some humanity.

 

“Nothing fails like success”. Richard Carrion gets it. So does David Neeleman, the CEO of JetBlue, who observed: “When you’re making money and good margins, you tend to get sloppy”. Many CEOs don’t. The more successful you and your organization become, the more humble and devoted to your customers you need to be. The more committed to efficiency and relentless improvement you need to be. The faster you need to play. The more value you need to add. Because the moment you stop doing the very things that got you to the top of the mountain is the very moment you begin the slide down to the valley.

 

“The more successful you and your organization become, the more humble and devoted to your customers you need to be”

 

(these are not my thoughts J and are copied from Robin’s book)

Your Four Minute Mile

YOUR FOUR-MINUTE MILE

 

The philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer once observed: “ Most people take the limits of their vision to be the limits of the world. A few do not. Join them”. Profound point. The life that you see this very moment isn’t necessarily the life of your future. You might be viewing things through the eyes of your fears, limitations and false assumptions. Once you clean up the stained glass window you see the world through, guess what? A whole new set of possibilities appears. Remember, we see the world not as it is but as we are. That idea change my life, over a decade ago, when I was an unhappy lawyer searching for a better way to live.

 

Before 1954, it was believed that no runner could ever break the four-minute mile barrier. But after Roger Bannister broke it, many more replicated his feat – within weeks. Why? Because he showed people what was possible. They got a new reference point. And then armed with that belief, people did the impossible.

 

What’s your four minute mile? What bill of goods have you sold yourself as what’s impossible? What false assumptions are you making in terms of that you cannot have, do and be? Your thinking creates your reality. Your beliefs truly become self-fulfilling prophecies (because your beliefs drive your actions – and you will never act in a way that is misaligned with your thinking; the size of your life reflects the size of your thinking). If you think something cannot occur in your life, then there’s no way you will take the action required to make that goal a reality. Your “impossibility thinking” manifests itself. Our perceived limitations become the chains that keep you from the greatness you were meant to be. And you are so much better than that. Celebrated neurosurgeon Ben Carson expressed it so well when he said: “There is no such thing as an average human being; if you have a normal brain, you are superior”

 

“If you think something cannot occur in your life, then there’s no way you will take the action required to make that goal a reality. Your “impossibility thinking” manifests itself”

 

The Responsibility Meter

Imagine a dash board with a meter on it. At one end is the word FREEDOM. At the other end; the word RESPONSIBILITY. To me, being a leader and living a remarkable life means striking the delicate balance between the two. In other words, the needle on your Responsibility Meter should stay in the middle. Ideally.

Life’s all about balance. And one of the most vital of all balance points is the one involving freedom and responsibility. Yes, be free. Enjoy the moment. Be wildly passionate. Have a fabulous time. Live in the now. And yet, be responsible. Set your goals. Keep your promises. Get important things done. Fulfill your duties.

Where does your life – this very minute – register on the Responsibility Meter? Too much time enjoying your freedom and not enough time doing what’s required to build a world class career and world class days? Or the other way around? Being at either extreme means being out of balance. So here’s an idea: Think about what being at the middle of the meter would look like. Because better awareness drives better choices. And better choices create better results.

“Life’s all about balance. And one of the most vital of all balance points is the one involving freedom and responsibility”

(these are not my thoughts J and are copied from Robin’s book)

Be a Beautiful Thinker

I am reading Jumpha Lahiri’s The Namesake. Beautifully written. It prompted an idea: Become a Beautiful Thinker. Commit to making each of your thoughts a thing of beauty. Devote yourself to coming up with stunning insights and ideas and reflections that are outright masterpieces. You’ve heard it a hundred times in as many different ways: You become what you think about. And the thoughts you use become self-fulfilling prophecies. Expect extraordinary things to unfold for you, they will. The motivators say it. The teachers say it. The sages say it. Ever wonder why?

I think I finally understand why the idea is accurate. It’s not some esoteric philosophy. It’s simple logic. Here we go: The actions you take each day create the results of your life. And since every action you take has been preceded by a thought (thinking truly is the ancestor of performance), what you focus on does drive your reality. British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli said it so well when he wrote, “You will never go any higher than your thinking”. As a human being you will never act in a way bigger than your thoughts. Dream big and your behavior will follow. Think small and you’ll play small.

This concept cascades through every dimension of our lives. Think people are good and you walk through your days with an open heart. And that very behavior actually creates your reality, because people do good things for good people. Think you deserve the best and your actions will reflect that confidence. Better actions will then drive better results. Expect to be world class in your career or within your community and that brilliant thinking will shape the way you work as well as the way you live. And that exceptional conduct will drive exceptional outcomes.

I hope I have been able to express this point clearly because I believe it’s a big one that is too easy to neglect. Your thoughts do shape your reality. Your thinking does form your world. What you focus on truly will expand. And what you dwell upon will most definitely determine your destiny.

(these are not my thoughts J and are copied from Robin’s book)

The Paradox of Praise

I was driving Colby to school and got an idea I want to share with you. We were talking about Everybody Loves Raymond, the television show my kinds adore. In particular, we discussed the tension between Raymond’s (cranky) mother, Marie and Ray’s (loving) wife, Deborah. Colby said they don’t like each other because Marie doesn’t like Deborah’s cooking. I asked him to go deeper and to figure out the real issue. After we discussed it for a while, we both heard the coin drop: We got that the reason for Marie doesn’t like Deborah is that she feels threatened by the love between Deborah and her son Raymond. She’s insecure. Things she might lose him. So she’s hard on Deborah and has no praise for her. Ever.

Made me think about praise within the workplace (and within the home). A rare commodity. Praise, to me, is like the sun: “The more you give away, the more everything around you grows toward you. However, most people don’t give praise freely (even though it’s free), According to Gallup organization survey, the number one reason employees leave an organization is that they don’t feel appreciated by their supervisor. Yet, most managers give away neither praise nor appreciation. Because they think it makes them look inferior.

Here is the truth as far as I can tell. Giving praise to all those around you, when they most deserve it, makes you look like more. It elevates you. It makes you look like a hero. It makes you look like a giant within the work place. To everyone around you. So don’t withhold what your team mates most crave. We all want to feel special. I do. You do. And so does Deborah.

“Giving praise to all those around you, when they most deserve it, makes you look like more. It elevates you. It makes you look like a hero”

(these are not my thoughts J and are copied from Robin’s book)