The Paradox of Praise

I was driving Colby to school and got an idea I want to share with you. We were talking about Everybody Loves Raymond, the television show my kinds adore. In particular, we discussed the tension between Raymond’s (cranky) mother, Marie and Ray’s (loving) wife, Deborah. Colby said they don’t like each other because Marie doesn’t like Deborah’s cooking. I asked him to go deeper and to figure out the real issue. After we discussed it for a while, we both heard the coin drop: We got that the reason for Marie doesn’t like Deborah is that she feels threatened by the love between Deborah and her son Raymond. She’s insecure. Things she might lose him. So she’s hard on Deborah and has no praise for her. Ever.

Made me think about praise within the workplace (and within the home). A rare commodity. Praise, to me, is like the sun: “The more you give away, the more everything around you grows toward you. However, most people don’t give praise freely (even though it’s free), According to Gallup organization survey, the number one reason employees leave an organization is that they don’t feel appreciated by their supervisor. Yet, most managers give away neither praise nor appreciation. Because they think it makes them look inferior.

Here is the truth as far as I can tell. Giving praise to all those around you, when they most deserve it, makes you look like more. It elevates you. It makes you look like a hero. It makes you look like a giant within the work place. To everyone around you. So don’t withhold what your team mates most crave. We all want to feel special. I do. You do. And so does Deborah.

“Giving praise to all those around you, when they most deserve it, makes you look like more. It elevates you. It makes you look like a hero”

(these are not my thoughts J and are copied from Robin’s book)

Dream Like David

There’s a man I wish you could meet. I was introduced to him while I was in Mexico city to deliver a speech to business and social leaders. He moved me with his story. And he humbled me by his courage.

David Mejia was born without ears. Doctors predicted he would suffer from poor hearing throughout his childhood and that he would be unlikely to live a full adult life. His youth was riddled with operation after operation, a great deal of pain, and the hurtful taunts of classmates who made fun of his appearance. But David preserved. Greatness, in so many ways is determined by whether you persist through failure or let it consume you. David dreamed. He worked hard. And he believed. Because he know he was meant to do extraordinary things.

David has been blessed. With a powerful mind. With a big heart. With a strong spirit. And with wonderful parents, who told him on a near-daily basis that if he looked for the best from the life, he would find it. They encouraged him never to play victim. Told him to find the opportunity amid his challenges. And so he has. Masterfully.

The man I met in Mexico City is a leader. A hero. And inspiration. Why? Because he has taken what life sent him and turned what most of us would spend our days crying about into gold. He now has prosthetic ears. He’s healthy and remarkably vital. He has achieved superb success in his career. He has found great love and joy. He has more friends than most people I know (far more than me). And he is stunningly positive in a world where people who have nothing to complain about spend most of their time complaining about trivialities.

You can curse the darkness, or you can light a candle and show up as a leader. Life is all about how you can exercise the choices available to you. And your daily choices stack up to craft your destiny. Day by day. Week by week. Month by month. Year by year. David knows how to make the choices that will raise him to his own personal mountaintop. So do you.

“You can curse the darkness, or you can light a candle and show up as a leader”

(these are not my thoughts J and are copied from Robin’s book)

Be the Best You

Warren Buffet once observed, “There will never be a better you than you.” Brilliant insight. From a brilliant guy. There will never be a better me than me. And there will never be a better you than you. Some might try to copy the way you think, speak and act. But no matter how hard they try, they will only be a second best you. Because you are unique. Only one of you alive today. Among the billions of us. Makes you stop and think, doesn’t it? Makes you realize you are pretty special. No, very special. And that there really isn’t any competition.

And so today, what will you do with you as you march out into a world that needs people playing at extraordinary with their lives more than ever before? Will you exert more of you hidden potential? Will you liberate more of your natural creativity? Will you uncover more of your authenticity? And will you be more of the you that you are meant to be? Just wondering. Because there will never be a better time to be the best you than today. And if not now, then when? Makes me think of what the philosopher Herodotus once said: “It is better by noble boldness to run the risk of being subject to half of the evils we anticipate than to remain in cowardly listlessness for fear of what may happen.” So beautifully said.

“There will never be a better time to be the best you than today”

(these are not my thoughts J and are copied from Robin’s book)

Give to Get

Walking down the street today I heard a man repeating this mantra to all those who passed by him: “Have you helped someone today besides yourself?”. He was trying to raise money. For his cause. But it got me thinking about giving. You need to give to get. Giving does begin the receiving process.

Give support to get it. Give praise to receive it. Give your best to attract it. Give more respect to experience it. And give more love to become beloved. (Powerful thought: If you make five people feel better about themselves each day, by the end of one year you will single handedly have elevated the lives of nearly 2,000 people. Continue this practice and – after a decade – you’ll have positively impacted 20,000 people. Factor in the number of people that those you touch, in turn, influence and you’ll quickly realize that your “little daily gestures of inspiration” can end up helping hundreds of thousands of human beings over the course of your life time).

Give to get. Nice refrain. And so staggeringly simple (as the truest ideas are). All about servant leadership. Help others reach world class. And they’ll joyfully help you get to your cherished ideals.

“You need to give to get. Giving does begin the receiving process”

(these are not my thoughts J and are copied from Robin’s book)

Angels of Evolution

You’ve heard it before, but the more we get exposed to a good idea, the more deeply we get to integrate it. Like reading a powerful book for a second and third time. Seems like a whole new book on every new reading. Did the book change? No. You did. Your capacity to understand got bigger. Your world view got broader. Your ability to take in the insights grew. And so you discovered a whole new level of knowledge in that book. That was always there. You just didn’t have the eyes to see it before.

The idea I feel so passionately about on this day can be stated in a simple phrase: Angels of Evolution. Nothing soft and irrelevant about this one. Just a way to look at life’s challenges in a better light. As blessing rather than curses. Because they just might be. Angels of Evolution. Everyone who is causing you stress, struggle and challenge in your life just might be an angel of sorts. They just might be the very messengers carrying the lessons you most need to learn to get to your Next Level of Greatness.

The difficult teammate might be an angel of sorts, here to teach you understanding. The mean salesclerk might be an angel showing up to help you with compassion or communication or standing up for yourself. A business setback or professional disappointment might be an angel sent to build your resolve and commitment. A health issue might be an angelic wake-up call to get you to commit to a better diet, regular exercise, relaxation and meditation. Each encounter represents a defining moment that gets you to the excellence meant for you.

Angels of Evolution. The hardest stuff in your life is the ideal stuff to get you to where you’ve always dreamed of being. The people and events that irritate, anger and hurt you are the idea educators to help you learn the lessons that will help you shine – at work, at home and in life. So that you evolve. And grow.

“Everyone who is causing you stress, struggle and challenge in your life just might be an angel of sorts…carrying the lessons you most need to learn”

(these are not my thoughts J and are copied from Robin’s book)

I'm Stretching Too

I know I encourage you to push the envelope. To innovate. To elevate. To step up to the next level with the work you do and within the life you have the privilege to lead. And I know I talk a lot about running to your fears (remember that most of the stuff we are afraid of never even comes close to happening) and hugging your discomfort. Well, I do my best to do the same. Here’s an example.

I just spent two days last week in a recording studio. For a long time I’ve had the dream of making music with a powerful message. I used to play guitar in a rock band in law school (poorly yet passionately) and I needed to get back to that love. And you know this: There will never be the ideal time to do the dreams in your heart. So I took a risk. (Al Pacino recently told Larry Kind, “You will only be as good as the chances you take.”) I reached out to the two amazing partners at the Orange Record Label and shared my vision. Guess what, “no ask, no get”. They signed me to a deal. Immediately.

These past two days found me in a studio with some of the most creative people I’ve ever met. Writers and musicians. Visionaries and dreamers. All banded together to help me create brilliant music that will inspire people to make their lives extraordinary. Genuine works of art. I had to sing (stop laughing). I had to play guitar. I had to let go of my safe harbor and be a beginner again. “How was it?” you ask. Breathtakingly great. (If you want to seem playing, watch the CNN clip at robinsharm.com). I was scared, excited, joy-filled and delighted. I trembled. And I laughed. It was a experience I’ll never forget – one that is part of the personal story I call life. So get out there. Risk. Ask. Dream. Dare. Fall. Fail. And never let anyone tell you that your dreams can’t come true. Eventually someone’s going to do what you dream of doing. Why not you?

“Never let anyone tell you that your dreams can’t come true. Eventually someone’s going to do what you dream of doing. Why not you?”

(these are not my thoughts J and are copied from Robin’s book)

First Principles for Great Relationships

The quality of your life comes down to the quality of your relationships. With your customers, with your suppliers, with your loved ones, with yourself (big idea there). Commit to insanely great relationships and you’ll have an insanely great life. And being a great human connector is pretty easy stuff. Remember, success is all about masterful consistency around fundamentals.

The following seven First Principles are profoundly simple and yet simply profound – and isn’t that the case for all great truths?

• Be the first one to say hello (or Namaste/Shalom/Hola/Salam Malekam, or whatever may be appropriate) when you encounter another person. In other words, be kind first (which takes courage, because we’re all scared of rejection)
• Smile a lot. It’s one of the best ways to have someone open up to you. Remember, we make lasting impressions on people within the first few minutes of meeting them.
• Use people’s names. This is really important. It shows that you care, and is a mark of respect.
• Look people in the eye when you speak to them.
• Become a world- class listener. Get this one right and you’ll own the title of “Relationship Superstar”. Most people don’t listen. Most people are so self-focused that they fail to ask good questions when they meet another person. Listening and asking questions shows humility. It shows you are interested. It demonstrates that you are engaged – and not in love with yourself. Most people’s idea of listening is waiting until the other person has finished speaking so that they can interject.
• Offer sincere compliments. Praise is free. Never miss an opportunity to celebrate and elevate another person, whether at work or at home. You’ll connect with the best within them. And then they’ll give you their best. Leave people feeling better than you fond them.
• Treat everyone like royalty ( and I do mean everyone; it scares me when someone’s really nice to me but rude to a waiter – no consistency there). Behave as if you’ll never see them again. When I get home from work each day, my kids come flying around the corner and hug me. Every day. Makes me feel like a king.

Sure the above seven ideas are simple. Master these principles and you’ll get to your mountaintop more quickly than you can imagine. Greatness comes from mastery around the fundamentals.

“Never miss an opportunity to celebrate and elevate another person”

(these are not my thoughts J and are copied from Robin’s book)